Do you have any bad habits?
Oh sorry, not you, of course. But your kids, right? Or your spouse?
I’m sure about ten or twelve just sprang to the forefront of your mind.
Everything you do without thinking is a habit in some way. Things like the route you drive to get to the grocery store, the way you fold your towels, or even how you arrange your desk. These are habits you no longer have to think about.
There are other habits you have to think about such as exercising, reading your Bible, or eating healthier foods.
Sometimes habits are like a pebble in your shoe, irritating and bothersome, but deep down you know the irritation won’t go away until you address the habit you are avoiding.
Blasted habits. Why can’t it be a good thing to eat a Snicker’s bar at 3 PM every day? That’s a habit I could get behind. I think it would also give me a prominent behind.
One of the unique aspects of habits is how good they make you feel when you do the right ones well. When you workout for more than two days in a row or only eat half of a brownie instead of the whole thing you can feel really empowered. But goodness gracious, why is it so hard to do what know we should do?
I’m pretty sure there’s a verse about that.
I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
Romans 7:15 NLT
Oh, Paul. You’ve got us all pegged.
As a parent one aspect of your job is to teach your kids how to make and break habits. How do you do that when it’s so hard for you, as an adult?
I wish there were a one-size-fits-all answer that could take away the struggle with the snap of your fingers. Ultimately though, it takes hard work. Everybody has to put in the work, moms, dads, teens, everyone.
You’ve probably got the main habits down, like making the bed, picking up after yourself, and doing the dishes. Wait, you too? Let me guess, you taught your kids all of these, and then they became teenagers and it all fell right out of their heads. Am I wrong? Welcome to the club. We will not be discussing my fourteen-year-old’s room right now.
So, yeah, there are habits everyone needs to learn and practice to make life run more smoothly. There are also habits that can make your spiritual life better as well. In the past, some people have called them disciplines. I like to call them praxes. Praxes is the plural form of praxis.
Praxis is an action or practice: such an exercise or practice of an art, science, or skill. It’s basically anything you do to create a habit.
I contest there are ten spiritual habits or praxes that will not only make your spiritual life better, they will also deepen your relationship with the Lord, open your life up to more meaning and purpose, and bring unspeakable joy into your everyday dealings with your family, friends, and people with whom you come into contact.
And here’s the best part, anyone can do them: moms, dads, and teens are equally blessed when they begin to make these ten praxes habits.
At this point, I’d like to invite you to join me on a journey of making these praxes life-long habits. By signing up for my email list you can become part of a group of people who are implementing each of these ten habits into their lives in powerful and meaningful ways. You are invited to join the SEED Project.
To wet your whistle I’d like to look at three of the praxes anyone, at any age can begin to practice and make into habits. You can take these three and begin implementing them with your family as early as today.
Fellowship
Let me start by defining this word. In this case, fellowship means to be in community with other believers through a church setting. This may be a traditional brick-and-mortar church or a home church in someone’s living room. This is big picture stuff, long-term commitment, and making it a habit to attend week after week.
You were made for connection. You were created to be in the company of other believers, to do life with them in real and tangible ways. Even Adam and Eve were in community with God in the garden. Every day they got together. If those two were created in the image of God, just like you, then being in community is part of your DNA. Fellowship cannot happen in a vacuum.
Now listen. I get the challenges. The ability to participate in a community changed for the whole world in the year 2020. I’m sure you felt it in some way. And there are some very rare cases where being together is still not possible. But for the most part, if you are able, you and your family need to get yourselves to church.
The beauty of the church, whether in a big building or in someone’s living room is the interactions you will have. Life is happening all around you and when you begin to intertwine your life with the lives of other believers you see and hear hard things, marvelous things, and even miraculous things. You see and experience the goodness of our great God. And you learn to be a part of the whole.
If you’ve been involved in a church for any period of time you know that life is no different inside the church than outside the church doors. The pain is the same. The challenges are the same. And the melding of personalities is the same.
It’s an amazing environment for kids and teens to participate in because it’s a safe place where they can receive a lot of grace and learn to extend the hand of forgiveness in preparation for heading out into the world. The church is a microcosm for life. Learning to participate well has benefits for everyone.
Jesus spent the bulk of his time on earth with other people. Sometimes with 12 guys. Other times with 5000 guys and all their wives and kids. He is our example and he lived his life in fellowship. Your family should too.
If you’ve been hurt by a church in the past let me assure you they are not all created equal. If you will put in the effort to find a place that is welcoming, teaches the Word of God, and where your family can get involved your lives can be improved. Don’t be a bench warmer and don’t avoid it because of your past. Practice grace and get yourself to church.
Serving
Service is all about giving of yourself. It’s one of the most important lessons kids can learn. Selflessness.
If you aren’t already doing so, and your kids are older than age eight, you need to find a place to serve together. The possibilities are endless. Choose something that you can all do together. Not everyone has to like it, most teens especially, don’t. It’s not about being comfortable, it’s about giving of yourself.
You’ve been blessed. Take the time as a family to bless someone else. Not only will your kids get outside their own bubbles, but they will also see the world for what it is, messy. And isn’t that what our faith is all about? Living in the messy together and encouraging one another towards the grace of Jesus Christ.
Help clean up your local park, beach, or school. Serve at a food bank. Rake leaves for a neighbor, or several. Make care-kits for the unhoused. Shop for an elderly neighbor. Serve in your church’s kid’s ministry.
Make something. Bake something. Send something. Just do something, together. The life lessons are invaluable and the time will be redeemed because you are all giving of yourselves.
Prayer
Prayer, it seems so simple. But you should hear the prayers my kids say around the dinner table. The same thing every night.
You too?
Corporate prayer can be embarrassing, talking out loud and saying personal things. But the fact of the matter is that your kids need to hear you pray out loud. They need to hear the words coming out of your mouth, whether in thanksgiving or petition. When your kids hear you pray, they learn to pray themselves.
Maybe this is hard for you too. That’s okay. That’s why it’s called a praxis. It takes repetition and practice. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you follow the P.R.A.Y. guidelines, you’ll all be warriors in no time.
P.R.A.Y. stands for pause, rejoice, ask, and yield. This simple formula can transform your prayer life and teach your teens how to be big and bold before the throne of God. It doesn’t take any special words. It’s just talking to God like you would a friend. Nothing is off-limits.
If you are still unsure where and how to begin I recommend this resource for a great introduction to family prayer: YouDevotion. You can use it online or as an app. The James Russell Miller book on the app “Family Prayers For Thirteen Weeks” is a fantastic place to start. You can read the prayers as a family during your devotions or around the dinner table. By the time you finish the book, you’ll all be ready to pray on your own.
I also suggest a prayer journal for your family. Grab a cheap notebook and write down who and what your family is praying for. Maybe it’s family members, friends, school, neighborhood, or national issues. Write them down and then be sure to record when you get an answer. When teens can see real results, it builds their faith and gives them hard evidence that God loves them and He cares about their needs.
These three praxes might feel overwhelming. But don’t let them be. Praxes take time to become habits. Some take a lifetime. Some take years or months. But every action that becomes a habit has a starting point. Why not make it a family project?
If you start doing them as a family you have a built-in support group. Maybe you want to do them with a small group at your church. How about getting your teens and some of their friends to pick one or two and give them a try for a couple of months?
Anyone can join the SEED Project and start working through the ten praxes we are working on. All the materials are available to download and it’s free.
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Creating good habits is an important part of being a person. Spiritual habits are a key element of being a healthy Christian. If you begin today, think of where you will be in a month, a year, or a decade from now. Just start. The SEED Project makes it easy.
Do this with your family. There is no downside to doing it, only benefits for everyone involved. If you have questions, let me know. I’m excited for you and your family.
Are you ready to start building healthy spiritual habits with your family?
Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash
Photo by Arthur Poulin on Unsplash
