Moving With Teens: How To Transition With Ease

Are you insane? You have teens and you’ve decided to move?

You must be crazy.

Okay, stop the bus. You are not insane. You are not crazy. You are living your life, and right now life calls for your family to move. So, you are moving with teens.

That’s just how it is.

Moving is hard for everyone. But, moving with teens adds another layer of challenge to the prospect of picking up house and going somewhere new.

Thank goodness there are things you can do as a parent to soften the blow for your tweens, teens, and even yourself. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world for anyone. Moving can be a positive, fun, adventure for the whole family. Even the ones who think they might die.

Everybody breathe. Nobody is going to die.

So, now that you know you are going to move, what do you do to make the event as trauma and drama-free as possible?

The key to moving with teens is to look forward and stay positive.

Being a teenager is hard enough. Doing it in a completely new environment can be difficult, but it can also be one of the best experiences your teen can have: to discover what he is really made of and how well she can adapt to change. Your job, as a parent, is to keep things pointed in the right direction. Remember, look ahead and stay positive.

In the end, you will still be a family with the same love and affection for one another and seriously, no one is going to die. In fact, change can be good for a family, even yours: new town, new friends, new adventures.

So, how do you make moving with teens a positive experience?

Get his input

When it comes to making decisions about the dwelling in which you are going to live, let your teen have an opinion. Then actually listen to it. There are some things that maybe can’t be helped, like which city you move to. But just as you will think about how a home will fit your family and the memories you’ll make there, your teen will also be making memories that will last his whole life. 

During the tween and teen years, kids begin to form lasting memories that are highly influenced by color, texture, light, sound, and space. So, let him give you input into the homes you are looking at, the neighborhood you’re searching in, and the area surrounding the city you’ve chosen. Listen as he tells you his opinion and how he feels about a particular area or home.

In doing so, you’ll hear his likes and dislikes and if you listen carefully, you’ll hear his fears and concerns. It’s a wonderful way to connect during this tumultuous time. Just keep listening.

Will your child make the final decision? No, but he will be living a very impressionable part of his life in the place you choose. Give him the freedom to express his feelings and thoughts about it. By talking it out he will begin to get used to the idea of moving, get excited about his new space, and make plans for when he gets there.

Keep the lines of communication open

As you make plans, create a timeline, and arrange for your move, be sure to keep your tweens and teens in the loop. You know your kids and what information is appropriate to share with them. The more information they have, the more in control of themselves they will feel.

They are at an age where time matters. Giving them access to the timeline you are looking at for your move will help them prepare for the change that’s coming and adjust faster once you are in your new location. By being on the same page you will all feel a lot less stress. You, as the parent, hold the key to this by communicating openly and often with your kids.

Feel free to ask questions. How do you feel about moving to X? What do you think the best part of moving will be? What are you excited to discover in our new town?

All these questions open up opportunities for a discussion and are forward-thinking, as in, this is happening, how can we make the best of it.

Remember to stay positive yourself. Moving is a hectic event, but you hold the key to how your teen will react during the process. If you are stressed they will be too. If you keep the communication lines open you can all help one another during this challenging but exciting time.

Give your teen tasks

By the time your kid is 12 or 13 she definitely has her own stuff. Much of it contains important memories for her. Let her pack it up, label the boxes, and get her room ready for the move. In doing so you’ll give her ownership over her own belongings and responsibility for their care. This is an important stage and moving will help to solidify what’s most important to her.

Of course, you can give direction as to how to pack fragile items, when to pack bedding, and what clothing to keep out for the trip to your new home. But let her do the rest. She’ll probably surprise you.

Giving your teen a sense of ownership of her own belongings will help her feel as if she’s part of the process and help her to settle in faster on the other end. When she has to unpack it and give it a new “home” in her new room, she’ll feel respected and grown-up. Remember, your job is to keep it positive and focus on the adventure you are striking out on.

You can also have your tween or teen pack her sports equipment, bathroom items, and family books and games. The goal here is to help her to feel like she is a part of the process, that it’s a family event. If she asks questions about where her stuff will fit in the new house, help her make a plan. The more ownership you give to her about her stuff, the better the outcome on the other end.

Let your teen plan the going away party

Leaving behind friends, sports teams, familiar teachers, and neighbors are difficult. It’s what your teen knows and depending on how long you have been at your current location it can be overwhelming to let go. One way to ease the transition is to let him plan the going away party.

Does he want a bbq with his football team buddies? How about a day at the lake or a backyard bonfire with music and s’mores?

Let him decide then help him plan it. Consider having a notebook at the party where everyone can write well wishes and addresses so you can keep in touch. Take lots of pictures and get a special multi-photo frame ready to hang when you get to the new digs. Emphasize the value of your son’s social group and encourage him to stay in touch once you arrive.

Put your teen in charge of your first outing

Give your tween or teen the opportunity to research the area by putting her in charge of the first family outing in your new town. Buy a guidebook about your new town. Encourage the idea of “playing tourist” for the first few weeks. Have her find a restaurant she wants to try, the closest movie theater, the best park, and a cool book store or hiking trail.

Let her plan the first outing so you all have something to look forward to when you get settled in your new digs. Your teen knows what you like to do as a family. She knows your favorite foods and whether you like to be indoors or outdoors. Let her “show you around.”

Buy tickets to a concert in your new town, go see a play or a sporting event, let your daughter plan the food and fun around the event. You are on a journey of discovery together, make her a central part of the adventure and she’ll be feeling like she belongs in no time.

Also, be sure to let your teen choose where to hide your key at your new house. So she never gets locked out!

There are a lot more suggestions for making a move easier for tweens and teens. From finding new sports teams to keeping a scrapbook or journal. Whatever you choose to make the transition positive, keep in mind that you are now raising people, not just kids who need to be directed around. Give them a voice in the process and it will go much easier for everyone.

Don’t forget that a move adds life experience to your teen’s tool kit. From getting the news to helping to plan, and finally settling in, each part of moving with teens is a learning and character-building exercise. It might be hard, but it’s worthwhile and with a little planning it can be a positive experience for everyone.

What’s your best tip for moving with teens and tweens?

photo credit: MTSOfan Second Coming via photopin (license)

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